I am almost to the end of the school semester. I passed my gateway, my last chance. YES! Finally. I still missed two. One was becuase I failed to recognize "e" as a constant, as forgot to put "ex", so I missed that one. And the other one that I missed was 1/14 - -1/2, but, I forgot the part that they were under 1, and put 14 -- 2, so, I got that one wrong, but, I got everything else right! YES! I don't have to worry about that kind of thing. Ok, so, that is all, I think. I think that I am going to write some more. ahh, I am so distressed, but, alas, I will have to deal with it... among other things. ayeeeyayyee.... why do we write? oh, and on another note, I laugh!! becuase I just read an article about the big bang and how it wasn't the first, and that our universe is a way older than we thought. humm, now, lets take a look at my last blog, it said that this wasn't the first, "universe." Kinda seems like the matrix to me. really, like, "versions," and what not. And maybe there is going to be the one. I have also changed my life philosophy, and I think that I am going to be chaning what I support, as in like governmental organization, and am starting to agree with Matt, but, probably for a different reason than anyone might think. This semester is almost over, I am so happy. ahh, I just want to type..... type..... type..... and as I wonder what this looks like, as I am only typing and never even erasing anything, just typing exactly what I am thinking at this moment. ahh, but, then, as my mind starts to wander and I start to think about everything that I would be thinking about, I silence myself, and change my mind, and leave it out, the reason being that it is personal, and stuff I don't want to put down, take out of my mind, for 1) then I won't think about it, and 2) I can't put it down for fear of people knowing it. ANYONE, ah, even though I know that no one is ever going to read it. It is kinda like that feeling of waiting, and wondering if you have enough time to run and do something else, before that thing you were waiting for happens.... and then, that thing takes foreever to happen, and you smite yourself for not doing something else, because you were worried that you might miss it, but, you had a long time, and could have done it, if only you had done it when you first thought of it... Ahhh, and I am still waiting for that thing to happen, even though I know it will not happen, and I can't stop wanting it to happen, and I honestly believe that this is one of those cases that I should just do the other, even though I know that I don't have time, and every moment I waste is ticking away towards that event that I know when it happens, the other CANNOT happen and I will have missed that opportunity that I KNOW I should take and quit puttering around and just get it over with, but, ahhh, I can't because what are the repercussions???!?!?! what repercussions I ask myself, but then, in the back of my mind, I start thinking of everything that wwould happen and I curse myself for opportunities missed times before and I scream into the screen of my computer with the words that have just written and realize..... it can't be, it shouldv'e been, but I didn't take the chance, grab life by the horns, even though I know that in this case, it wouldn't have been grabbing life by the horn, I would have been more or less making life great, like good. But, alas, I think, and calm myself... and think..... hummm, at least this problem plagues no one else, adn it is all in my head...and I really shouldn't worry about it, but I do, and wish, and part of me laughs at the other part, for this is one time that I hold out, wondering what the outcome of my actions not yet taken will be, and I laugh, that I am being a panzy. Why, when you don't care, can you do anything that you don't care about? Why, when it matters, are you plagued with worry, because things that should have happened long ago, keep coming back, this time, stronger, more prevalent, and ready to make a hole that is tiny even bigger? ahhhh, I thought I had all the time in the world, but this is one case that time is my worst enemy, because with every passing second, the deadline, that I know will come, will come. And the problem that plagues me is that even if I do take that opportunity, and the chance, and all works out, the deadline will come and rip that thing that comes from the opportunity away, and I will be left with a hole, a hole that cannot be filled, but if I don't take the opportunity, the hole will still be there, the only difference being that I wouldn't even know what that hole would be like if it were filled, and yet, I would know that it should be. After the deadline, it will STILL MATTER!! I will still be in the hole, but the difference this time would be that it would be too far away for me to even try to fill... ahhh, and the problem NOW is that the hole has a ceiling on it, not even allowing me to fill it, but allowing me to see inside...and seeing what could fill the hole.... but doesn't... aahhhh, I know I said that I hate when things are vague in writing, and that I hate to write and that I usually say exactly what I am thinking, but in this case...... I cant.....
