SO, what shall I do?

I am lost. Lost in a moment when I should be there. Lost in a moment when I should know all. Lost in a moment when nothing else matters, and the only thing that does, is so far away. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I stand. The only thing that does matter is that I can see something. It isn't complete darkness. There is light. Is light just me trying to say "hope" and be all prophetic? May Ba. I do hope. In all this, I do. I wish. I dream. I had a dream the other night. It was good. I remember it. It was good. I woke up in the middle, and the only thing that I wanted at that moment was more. I wanted to fall back asleep and dream forever. Maybe that is what I do already? I hope not. I hope. Hope. Hope is good, especially when it is all that you have. I have hope. I have hope for the best, through all that may happen. And boy do we know that shit will happen. And when it does, me and hope will be there to take it on. I think that the only thing that could take me out right now, is for hope to leave me. I hope hope doesn't leave me for someone without hope. But, I am sure that I won't need hope, when I finally reach what I had used hope to get to. Can I? Will I? Do I? Shall I? Should I? Maybe. Maybe I can find what I am looking for without hope. I do think that the trail will be impassible without hope, you know, in the darkness and everything. I think I can do it. I have hope! I want something. I just don't know what it is. It isn't what others want, only a part of it. I need something else. I have something else, for someone else. But, alas, the age old dilema of what to do about it. I thought of something, but it wasn't what I was thinking of. I thought of something else, it seemed right. But wasn't. I thought and thought and still haven't reached my answer. I continue to look, though I have hope, and maybe somtime, I will reach the end of the trail. And when I do - but don't tell this to hope - I won't need hope any more. That makes me rather sad. I think I will keep hope, and use hope for something else, when I reach my journey's end. I hope I can. Maybe hope will stay with me the rest of my life.... maybe. Hopefully............