Empty...

I am sitting in an empty house. It is empty, lest my soul... Sitting here, it makes me wonder, are we alone? Does anyone know what I am doing right now? Does anyone care? Then, I remember, yes! THEY DO! At least, some do... The house is cold, yet, with that thought, it warms my body, from my heart, then to my my toes, my fingers, my face... It feels good... But, alas, I am still alone, sitting in an empty house. I could never live alone. Things lose meaning, value; thoughts are all you have, ideals. One night in seclusion is enough for me... Even whilst in the middle of the city, surrounded my hundreds of thousands of people within 20 miles, and I have never felt more alone, nor empty. Do I define myself by other people? No, but, my definition is useless if no one else knows it... I was talking with Beckon the other day, while I was up on lookout mountain. I was telling her about being in this place which seemed perfect, just like a movie: the cold snow, in all of it's pure white beauty, sparkling even in the night. Trees covered in this... I then continued to tell her about my surroundings... The laptop sitting in front of me, with wireless internet, so that I may instantly connect to places all around the world. Talking on my cell phone to my brother, over 30 miles away, all while staring into this beauty. This beauty that I longed to share with other people, though could not. People in the city want to go. People that have gone want to come back. Why do we want to seclude ourselves, then long to be included? Why do human beings have to be social creatures, if we only long to cease being around others? Why do we want others when we don't have them? Why? Being alone gives you time to think... It gives you time to think about what you really want, without influence, time to think when only you know what is going on in your world. It gives you time to realize that you live in your own world, but, that your world is only part of something bigger... It makes you wonder at how everything is ever so perfect the way it is, and lavish in the beauty that is life, and along with life, the err that is human, and imperfection that is perfection... It makes you realize that you are not alone, you are never alone... Even when the only thing you can see is right in front of you, it shows you that anything you do while there changes everything. When people are alone, they try and use technology to fight the cold. It works, to an extent, espescially for most people. But, when you just can't seem to warm up inside, everything seems cold. And when no one is around to talk to, to try and open up to, when no one is around to communicate with, you stay cold, unable to warm your soul.

Another thing I noticed is why we feel so alone. I understand when you say the night seems to last forever. It does, in a sense, last forever. It is 11:00 pm, not really that late, and when I realize that I will see no one, talk to no one, intereact - feel!- no one for another 8 hrs., it exaggerates all of those feelings. It does seem like this darkness is going to last forever. And at least the sun can give warmth, unlike the moon. The moon seems to suck everything from the night... In complete darkness, one can see at least some things - and some with detail -, but, one can also see nothing, which can also give comfort. But with the moon, well, the moon outshines everything... and when you become accustomed to the darkness, and then BAM! some light, you flinch, snap your eyes shut, and then squint to try and re-adjust to this light. It really isn't bright at all, but, it is still brighter than all around, and this is what makes everything seem like shadows, this faint light. It hides everything from you, only letting you know that something is there, and never what it is...

Being alone is one of those double-edged swords...